A Year of Thought

For almost a year, I have been in thought.

thoughts

It hasn’t been that I was unhappy or sad — well, of course, I was sad some days, but not all days.  A fog surrounded me.  I did my regular things in a fog.  I thought that if it were not for the fog, I could think more clearly.  I thought about it.  And when I finally put my finger on it, I realized that joy was missing.  I thought I might never feel it again.  What would life look like?  I thought about it.

I felt that I needed a plan for the future.  And I thought about it.  I sat outside this summer enjoying the quiet and the solitude; nothing but birds chirping and my thoughts.  What would the next phase of my life look like?  I thought about it.  I couldn’t picture it, unless it was a continuation of my routines, work, etc.  I would continue to exist.

As the fog cleared, I realized that I want to live, not just exist.  That I need to create this next phase of my life.  Can I picture it?  No.  But I’m stepping out of my comfort zone, and I’m determined to live.  A year is long enough to think about it.

Exploring and trying new things are filling my days.  Getting back to writing on this blog is part of my exploration.  My heart is aflutter.  I can hardly wait to share with you all of the things that I’m doing.