How is it you’re not here?


How is it that you’re not here?  Of course my intellect knows — you have passed.

But me, I don’t understand how it can be.

You were here doing everyday things.  All of your stuff is here.

Your van sits in the driveway.  Still full of firewood, your gator sits in the garage.

I look in your closet, and I can even smell you.

How is it that you’re not here?

Your body came back on an airplane.  I saw it.

I held your hand until it warmed up in mine.

I know you are dead.

Everything here looks so ordinary and as it should be.

I went to Sanibel Island and walked the beach.

Your memories were everywhere, but I was alone.

In a moment that I wasn’t aware, everything changed.

How did it happen that you’re not here?


  1. I can’t breathe. I can almost feel your pain. Beautifully sad.

  2. Keeping you close to my heart in thought and prayer.

  3. My heart is heavy, after reading your post. I’m so sorry, again, for your loss. As Debbie said above — I can’t breathe. Beautifully expressed. *HUG*

  4. Connie,

    I can’t even imagine how hard this must be for you. I am glad that you are finding ways to express your grief. You have beautifully expressed some of what you are experiencing and my heart aches for you.

    With much love,

  5. One of the most difficult losses is that of a spouse or child. I can feel your pain in your beautifully written words. I hope you can come to terms with your loss and find peace. You are in my thoughts daily dear friend.

    Love and hugs to you.


  6. Wow, Constance. Just wow. XO

  7. I’m so sorry, Connie. I weep with those who weep. Someday we’ll rejoice again. Love you.

  8. Connie, so few words that aptly express so much loss. Grief so real that my heart aches for you, my dear friend.

  9. I’m just so sorry for your loss….beautiful words lovingly expressed.

  10. Connie, thank you for sharing such an intimate and raw part of your life with us. Nothing we say will take the sting away, and it shouldn’t because the sting is a reminder of how deeply you have loved and been loved. I pray that the sting subsides and you eventually feel washed in what will always remain…that he is still alive in your heart. Deep peace to you dear friend!

  11. So brave and beautiful

  12. …holding you, my Sweet. xo

  13. Omgosh Connie…my heart is heavy for you. Much love, Susan

  14. Linda Barutha says:

    Connie, I’m so, so sad for your loss. I’m praying for you and your family.

  15. immediate tears are flowing. Warm thoughts are coming your way.

  16. Your pain and sorrow is so felt in this beautifully written piece, but most of all its the depth of your love that vibrates through in each of your words. May you feel an angelic blanket of comfort and love warming your heart and soul. Blessings! xoxo

  17. Wow, this is absolutely beautiful and powerful. I am so sorry for your loss ~ sending hugs and compassion.

  18. Oh, Connie…my heart goes out to you and I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending healing and loving wishes your way. Take care…<3

  19. My heart aches and tears fall as I read your words. I just want to reach out and hold your hand while you sit in you emptiness. ((((Hugs))))

  20. Connie, that was beautiful! So brave of you to share that with us. However, it made me sad to think of you having to face those moments every day. Much love and huge bear hugs coming your way. I hope it gets easier for you soon!! XOXO

  21. Wow, after all this time, this still moves me deeply. I hope you will be sharing more here as time continues on. ~ Blessings

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